19 October 2012

A letter from the editor...

This is an e-mail I received from The Minstrel Mom to-day.   Saturday looks awesome guys.

This is your personal event coordinator (at no charge! Pros can cost you up to $150 per hour – you have a great deal!)  Because of that, you have no choice but to show up – however, you could pay me ($150.00) to NOT attend the afternoon session.  Here is your action-packed schedule:
7am – Rise and shine (get a good breakfast)
8am – Be at Azgaard for PSAT.  This should run till noon or so.  This is potentially your ticket to SCHOLARSHIPS for your further education.  It’s been “free” so far (however, your personal education coordinator has been working her tail off all these years for smiles and a few chores – notice there is not a trace of it left!  The tail, I mean), but you will need Big Money (along the tens of thousands of dollars) for a college education!  That is beyond my capacity to provide!  YOU NEED TO DO YOUR BEST IN THIS!!
1pm – I might consider feeding you.  Then, we head out to Radmorno for the Speech Conference.     Be a good sport and you might glean something useful from it!
5pm – I might consider feeding you again if you look completely famished by now,  Then, we head out to the Tenth Ave. North concert for complete relaxation and ear-busting entertainment.  Have fun!  I’m not sure how you will return your wearied soul to your cozy bed.  My job is done at this point.  You might have to walk home from Radmorno in the dark or get a ride with Grace and Hannah if you promise to protect them with your life.
Ain’t that a FUN-FILLED day!  All for (mostly) free!  Yippee-I-O!
Mom (and her invisible minions)

Locations have been slightly vague-ified to foil ax-murderers. WHAT NOW

16 October 2012

Summer [Mis]Adventures: Squirrel Jumping

So I want to tell you about Squirrel Jumping.

If you've never been Squirrel Jumping before, I strongly advise you against it. But I only say that so that when you try it ANYWAY I can't be held responsible for telling you it was okay.


There are only two requirements:

-Two fir trees


So our driveway has two young and springy young pines that grow closely knitted together right out of a neat little labyrinth of bushes.

So the rest of this game should probably explain itself. Simply put, you....jump.

If you jump just right, you will gracefully pummel down to the ground in one swish-swish-swish-THWOMP-ish motion.

But you can always get it wrong. Such was the case when I introduced it to my friend Jared. I also should mention he's about forty pounds heavier than me.

Oh yeah, and by the way guys...keep your legs together.
-The Minstrel Boy

10 October 2012

07 October 2012

Summer [Mis]Adventures: Death by Monkeys

(This misadventure has minimal illustrations, but since it is indeed an important part of the Story that is my life, I thought it necessary to include).

Last July I spent a week being a helper at a VBS.

I really can't wait to be a dad.*

*That was sarcastic

Overall, the whole thing was fantastic. The cheesy skits, the messy snacks, the catchy songs that you can NEVER get out of your head, the frenzied games, the hand-motions to the memory verses, I love it all. And when you get hug-tackled by over thirty kids after you've spent a week laughing, playing, and teaching the Word of God with, the feeling is intensely satisfying.

But there's a little something you should probably know. Take a good look this picture. What's wrong with it?

That's right, there's only one guy there. And that guy is me. Actually, I'm totally fine with this arrangement, but from a kids' perspective, a single male leader sticks out like a sore thumb. It can cause certain problems. Children attack on sight. Upon visual, the instant thought processes of little girls tend to go a bit like this:

"Hey look, there's a boy leader! Let's all climb on him!"

It seems there is always a small group of little girls who like to pick their own personal leaders to attach themselves to like barnacles. This makes games like tag extremely confusing, because they're supposed to be running away from you.

The boys have a similar approach.

"Hey look, there's a boy leader! Let's all beat him up!"

Fending off a score of rabid little boys is hard enough, and even harder when you're juggling three girls. 

Somehow I couldn't help thinking of Toy Story....


Punishment is easier for boys though.  Maybe it's because I understand their brain.

Kids these days. When I was a boy my papa made me bench-press TREE LOGS!

I tend to get a little desperate on the girls though. You know that whole thing about "girls are sugar and spice and all things nice"? Biggest lie since sticks and stones.

In the end, there are basically three different perspectives in the VBS environment:

That is to say, at the end of five days you're liable to have a mild identity crisis. Am I a human or a punching bag? I can't decide.

Love fiercely and laugh shamelessly friends.
-The Minstrel Boy