07 October 2012

Summer [Mis]Adventures: Death by Monkeys

(This misadventure has minimal illustrations, but since it is indeed an important part of the Story that is my life, I thought it necessary to include).

Last July I spent a week being a helper at a VBS.

I really can't wait to be a dad.*

*That was sarcastic

Overall, the whole thing was fantastic. The cheesy skits, the messy snacks, the catchy songs that you can NEVER get out of your head, the frenzied games, the hand-motions to the memory verses, I love it all. And when you get hug-tackled by over thirty kids after you've spent a week laughing, playing, and teaching the Word of God with, the feeling is intensely satisfying.

But there's a little something you should probably know. Take a good look this picture. What's wrong with it?

That's right, there's only one guy there. And that guy is me. Actually, I'm totally fine with this arrangement, but from a kids' perspective, a single male leader sticks out like a sore thumb. It can cause certain problems. Children attack on sight. Upon visual, the instant thought processes of little girls tend to go a bit like this:

"Hey look, there's a boy leader! Let's all climb on him!"

It seems there is always a small group of little girls who like to pick their own personal leaders to attach themselves to like barnacles. This makes games like tag extremely confusing, because they're supposed to be running away from you.

The boys have a similar approach.

"Hey look, there's a boy leader! Let's all beat him up!"

Fending off a score of rabid little boys is hard enough, and even harder when you're juggling three girls. 

Somehow I couldn't help thinking of Toy Story....


Punishment is easier for boys though.  Maybe it's because I understand their brain.

Kids these days. When I was a boy my papa made me bench-press TREE LOGS!

I tend to get a little desperate on the girls though. You know that whole thing about "girls are sugar and spice and all things nice"? Biggest lie since sticks and stones.

In the end, there are basically three different perspectives in the VBS environment:

That is to say, at the end of five days you're liable to have a mild identity crisis. Am I a human or a punching bag? I can't decide.

Love fiercely and laugh shamelessly friends.
-The Minstrel Boy


  1. I like the VBS, what people see part. And actually it isn't just guys who get used as a climbing frame when it comes to little girls. I have a live in one -who just happens to be my sister. :( [she's not all that bad, she's just h.e.a.v.y.]

  2. That's hysterical. . . and so true. Love it!