The setting is Seattle, the weather meek and mild
The characters: A maiden, a man, and a child.
But wait! There's still one more, and our setup is complete
The maiden's jealous sister, whose name I won't repeat.
The sister was a witch (yes, it seems that we still have them)
The maiden was with child, but the witch's womb was barren.
The Warlock would not be pleased if he had not successors
So she devised a plan much akin to her ancestors.
She made a shopping trip to Pikes Place (yes, witches do this too)
To buy a few ingredients for a potion she would brew.
Some flying fish, some foreign dish, a busker man's dread-lock
And a couple soggy worms that she picked off from the side-walk
She threw it in her pot, she made it froth and foam
And did every single thing that you should not try at home.
When the vile stew had boiled, with an odor that would kill
She gathered the remains of it, and put it in a pill.
If you exit off of 405, and drive past WaSU college,
You'll find house 17, that's the man and maiden's cottage.
The witch dropped by one day, just to see how things were going
The maiden was not doing well, for the baby was still growing.
"Does it hurt, honey, when the baby grows inside?
Here, take this ibuprofen, I'm sure it will subside."
And when the time arrived for the baby to come out
He rushed her to the hospital, but the midwife was in doubt
Sweat trickled down the maiden's cheek, she writhed and groaned in pain
She pushed and pushed and pushed, but the baby never came.
"I'm sorry," said the doctor, "for you and for your wife.
The fetus that's inside her womb has shown no signs of life."
The man knelt by his mistress, and kissed her fevered head
The girl let out an anguished cry, "my baby boy is dead!"
Now this may seem fantastic, you'll have to take my word
The following stanzas are most dreadfully absurd.
He pressed his ear against her belly, and cried "his heart is beating!
Our baby is not dead, my love, he is only sleeping!"
"In every single family, you'll find this rascal pup
That lazy little child who simply won't get up!
His father tries, his sister tries, his brother tries it too,
But alas! No one in the family knows exactly what to do!
No living man on earth can arouse that sleepy head
A mother is the only one who can drag him out of bed!"
The maiden disbelieved it, but for his sake she tried
She whispered lovely things to the sleeping boy inside
Of happy summer days, of birthday cakes she'd bake
And countless other things they'd do if only he would wake
The games, the songs, the fairy-tales, the plates that he would break
And all the messes she'd clean up if only he would wake
The friends and enemies he'd meet, mistakes that he would make
And countless other tales to tell, if only he would wake
The wife that he would marry, the paths that he would take
Of all the life he had to live, if only he would wake
You have never seen a mother who has longed so much for pain!
If only he would kick and scream and be alive again!
Did the baby wake?
And then I woke up.