01 January 2014

Happy New Year! [Featuring: A completely fictional dialogue between The Minstrel Boy and an anonymous Twilight fan]

I realize "New Moon" came out in like 2009, but I took some creative license for the purposes of this skit.

The Minstrel Boy: Did you go out to see the new moon last night?
Twilight fan: No, I didn’t.
TMB: It was beautiful. I nearly cried.
TF: When did it come out?
TMB: Last night.
TF: Oh. I didn’t know. I haven’t seen it yet.
TMB: You should go out to see it some time.
TF: Yeah, maybe I’ll go check it out next Friday.
TMB: What? You can’t do that!
TF: Why not?
TMB: It won’t be there!
 TF: [feeling sassy] Whaddya mean it won't be there? I thought you said it came out last night.
TMB: It did.
TF: Then it should be there next Friday…
TMB: No, only half of it will be there.
TF: Oh, so it comes in two parts?
TMB: Well, it comes in eight parts, actually.
TF: [flabbergasted] EIGHT? I’ll never be able to wait that long.
TMB: Oh calm down. You only have to a month or so.
TF: What!? Are you kidding?
TMB: No…
TF: That fast!?
TMB: All eight of them. And the first one will come out again on the first of January.
TF: What will?
TMB: The new moon!


TF: I thought you said it came out yesterday.
TMB: It did.
TF: And now you’re saying it’ll come out in January.
TMB: It will.
TF: Omg. I’m so confused. My friends told me that it came out last month.
TMB: It did.
TF: Then why didn’t you say so?
TMB: Because it came out yesterday.  It’s too bad you missed it. Maybe you’ll catch it next month.
TF: Wait, so you can only see it once a month?
TMB: [talking slowly and deliberately] Yes. It’s been doing that for a long time.
TF: How long?
TMB: About ten-thousand years.
TF: [awestruck] You’re kidding.
TMB: Uh, no, I’m not.
TF: It’s been around that long?
TMB: Yes. Everybody knows that.
TF: Everybody?
TMB: Yes, everybody.
TF: The entire world?
TMB: Yes, the whole entire world.
TF: I can’t believe it. Society has been lying to me.
TMB: Yes, I think it has.
TF: You’re telling me that the entire world has been seeing “new moon” every month for the past ten-thousand years?
TMB: Yes.
TF: Everybody but me?
TMB: Apparently.
TF: This is SO unfair. I could understand if it was only playing in the US, but how could it be playing worldwide without me knowing about it?
TMB: I dunno man. You need to get out more.
TF: But my friends told me it was an American release!
TMB: Well, the Americans did get there first.
TF: Get where?
TMB: The moon!


Both: Ooooh.


TF: I thought you were talking about…
TMB: Yeah, and you were talking about…
Both: Oooh. 

[more awkward laughter]

TF: That’s funny.
TMB: Well, glad we got that cleared up.
TF: Haha, yeah. Hey, wanna come downtown next Friday? I hear we’ll actually get to see the stars.
TMB: Oh that’s alright. I’m sure we’ll be able to see them from my house.
TF: What? You can’t do that!
TMB: Why not?
TF: Well, it's not like they're going to visit your house or something...
TMB: Of course not. The heat would instantly kill us.
TF: [laughing] Haha! That was a good one.
TMB: What was?
TF: You know, about the heat killing us...
TMB: I wasn't joking.
TF: Wait...but...


Happy New Year, m'dears.
With love,
-The Minstrel Boy


  1. I like it, but I'm not sure you can see the new moon. it is generally rather hidden.