19 November 2014

Felt like posting something

The scene is in heaven in the clouds. Gabriel is hammering a broken point back onto a star. The angel Joseph enters carrying a wrench.

Joseph: Gabriel?
Gabriel: Yes, Joseph?
Joseph: The clocks are stuck.
Gabriel: Again? What happened?
Joseph: Something’s got jammed in them.
Gabriel (sighs): It’s him again, isn’t it?
Joseph: Probably. What happened to Polaris?
Gabriel: What do you think?
Joseph: When is that boy going to grow up?
Gabriel casts him a significant look.
Joseph: Oh, right.
Gabriel (calling): Margaret!
A girl angel enters.
Gabriel: Send for Peter Pan, will you please?
Margaret: Yes sir. (exits)
Joseph: Oh, give it up, he’s probably with the mermaids again, imitating us and making them giggle...
Gabriel: No, he’s here, I just walked in while he was trying to stick this back on...
Peter Pan pokes out from behind the star, startling them both.
Peter: You sent for me?
Gabriel: For heavens’ sake, stop popping in like that!
Peter: Sorry Gab...
Gabriel: And don’t call me Gabe!
Peter: ...riel, as I was saying. Is something wrong?
Joseph: Don’t play innocent with us, Pan!  We know what you did!
Peter: Oh, you mean the star? That was an accident, I crashed into it.
Gabriel: Peter, stop trying to avoid the point...
Peter (deeply offended): Oh, so you wanted me to crash into it. I thought as much. You two never liked me anyway...
Gabriel: No, that’s not what I meant...
Peter: Well this sure explains everything! (imitating Gabriel) “Stop playing around and get the point, Peter! Oh, Peter, how do you always miss the point?” Well I didn’t miss I this time, and I’ve got a bruise on my head to prove it! Does that make you happy?
Gabriel: No, no, that’s not the...the...
Peter: What, do you want me to hit it again? Suit yourself. (he turns to knock his head against the star, but Gabriel grabs his collar)
Gabriel: No, stop! That’s not what we’re here to talk to you about.
Peter looks suddenly very shifty
Peter: Oh, well, be quick about it. I’ve somewhere to be.
Joseph: Don’t be ridiculous Pan, you’ll have nowhere to be until we get the clocks unstuck.
Peter: What? What do the clocks have to do with it?
Joseph: Are you stupid, boy? You know what happens when you jam the clocks!
Peter: What happens?
Peter (calmly): I forgot.
Joseph: You liar!
Gabriel (in a low, serious voice): No Joseph, he has.
Joseph: How could he...
Gabriel: Tell him.
Joseph draws a deep breath of frustration and speaks slowly and deliberately.
Joseph: The clocks are running the universe, Pan. When the gears stop, history stops. All of time comes to a screeching halt. And they’ve stopped moving. Do you know what that means?
He pauses to let it sink in. A look of dawning comprehension grows on Peter’s face
Peter: Oh no.
Joseph (muttering to Gabriel): Finally he gets it.
Peter: This is awful!
Joseph:  Yes it is.
Peter: Someone ought to do something!
Joseph: Yes they should. At this exact moment...
Peter: Four billion children just went to the dentist.
Joseph: NO!!!
Peter: I hate dentists.
Gabriel: Just drop it, Joseph.
Joseph: No, he needs to understand this. The last time he jammed the clocks it started the American Revolution.  Who knows what could be happening down there right now...
Peter (jaw clenched in anger): Yeah. Somebody’s getting their teeth drilled.
Gabriel: Oh, Peter, how you always miss the point. Don’t you realize that you caused this?
Peter: How?
Joseph: Why, you dweeb! You threw a button into the gears of the universe.
Peter: No I didn’t.
Both angels groan in frustration.
Gabriel: Peter...
Joseph: Pan...
Peter: I swear!
Joseph: It’s a miracle the good Lord hasn’t smitten him centuries ago.
Gabriel: Peter, enough with the games.
Peter: I didn’t throw a button in there!
Joseph: Peter—
Peter: It was a penny!
Gabriel: So...you did put something in the gears.
Peter: No. Yes. I found it in a fountain. There’s loads of ‘um in there, I didn’t think people would notice if I just took one.
Joseph: Why’d you throw it in the clock gears?
Peter: Because. I didn’t like his face.
Joseph: Who’s face?
Peter: You know, the guy.
Gabriel: Abraham Lincoln.
Peter: Yeah, him.
Joseph: Let me get this straight. You stopped the movement of all of time and space just so you could have the satisfaction of smashing Abraham Lincoln’s face?
Gabriel: It was his bad side...
Joseph: Gabriel! You’re not helping! (to Peter) Why did you do it? (silence) Why?
Peter says nothing.
Gabriel (with a sense of weariness): Peter, why don’t you go play with the fairies again?
Peter: Really?
Joseph: You’re not letting him GO!?
Gabriel: What can he do? I’ll fix it myself.
Peter Pan leaps up and skitters off
Peter: Aw, thanks a million, Gabe, you’re a star...
Gabriel: Don’t call me Gabe!
Peter: Gabriel! I said Gabriel!
Peter exits.
Joseph: Why did he do it? Did he get in a row with Lincoln? Wouldn’t be surprised.
Gabriel: No. You know how he feels about grownups.
Joseph: You’re way too easy on him.
Gabriel shrugs and continues to work on his star
Gabriel: He’s not my responsibility. He’s not anyone’s responsibility.
Joseph: That’s his problem.
Margaret enters, panting
Margaret: I couldn’t find him anywhere. But you better send someone to the gates, because St. Peter’s keys are missing again…
Joseph: You see? That’s what happens when you let him get away, the ungrateful little snitch.
Gabriel: How do you know it was him?
Joseph: Who else could it be?
Margaret: Oh dear. What shall we do with Peter Pan?
Gabriel: (sighs to himself) The good Lord knows it’s not punishment he needs.
Joseph: What does he need?
Gabriel: A mother.
End scene

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